Taylor’s Tortured Soul Runs in the Family Tree – Pop Star Discovers Poetic Heartbreak is in Her DNA

Turns out Taylor Swift has been doomed to poetic sorrow from the start. Ancestry.com’s surprising new findings reveal the Folklore singer is distantly related to literary icon Emily Dickinson, explaining Swift’s lyrical genius and penchant for heartbreak.

Swift and Dickinson are actually sixth cousins, three times removed, meaning their shared ancestor was an early 17th-century English settler of Windsor, CT, making poetry and pain predestined in Swift’s bloodline. No wonder the songs flow so easily!

The mysterious connection was uncovered just as Swift’s highly-anticipated new album, The Tortured Poets Department is set for release. With track names like “The Manuscript” and “The Bolter,” it’s clear Swift fully embraces her status as the latest in a long line of tortured artists.

She’s even calling herself “The Chairman of the Tortured Poets Department” as the album rollout heats up. Could this mean she’s taking her poetic talents to the next level, or is the pressure of keeping up her tortured reputation getting to her? Fans can’t wait to find out!

With lyrics like “And so I enter into evidence/ My tarnished coat of arms/ My muses, acquired like bruises/ My talismans and charms,” it’s obvious Swift remains committed to honoring her poetically plagued lineage. The good news? With genes like these, we can expect heartache and hit songs from Taylor for generations to come. Some wounds are simply destiny.